"I don't know, I find that honestly, the stand-up thing in some ways is a little bit of a cliche to carry around, because people don't consider stand-ups really actors."

"Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you."

"When people look and decide they have nothing in common with me - I'm 43, balding, blond, whatever - there's something absolutely invigorating about winning them over. Even if it's eight people from Sweden who don't understand what I'm talking about."

"I'm a big eater. I mean, a lot of my stand-up is about food, and you write about what you know, and that's the only thing I know. I don't know anything else."

"I've never been involved in something where people cared about my personal life and the gossip of it!"

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

"Wisdom principle 44 tells us that the journey of life is lesson 32."

"When in doubt, throw it out."