"You get somebody to crack a smile, that's a beautiful thing."

"My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality."

"Stand-up don't get no respect - it's the hardest thing to do in show business. You don't have no band and there's no music."

"I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider. All of them are predators. They are dangerous but it's cool to have strong and powerful pets."

"The French cook; we open tins."

"As president, Reagan worked very well with Democrats to do big things. It is true that he worked to reduce the size of government and cut federal taxes and he eliminated many regulations, but he also raised taxes when necessary."

"No matter how thoroughly a person may have learned the Greek alphabet, he will never be in a condition to repeat it backwards without further training."

"So much of my aesthetic was formed by my dad."