"I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me."

"I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent."

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."

"Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?"

"One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one."

"France on its own cannot impose its point of view. But neither should it give up on its demands. With a clear vote for change France will be in a strong position."

"You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake."

"Today there are people trying to take away rights that our mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers fought for: our right to vote, our right to choose, affordable quality education, equal pay, access to health care. We the people can't let that happen."