"It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything."

"I think we're getting to the point where everyone's getting fat and everyone's getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can't walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps."

"I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances."

"You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society."

"Maybe that first, gigantic deficit the Reaganites piled up was an accident, just a combination of deluded 'supply side' tax cuts and a huge bag of good stuff for the Pentagon. But pretty quickly conservatives discovered that deficits, when done correctly, did something really cool: deficits defunded the Left."

"Hollywood can be an ugly place and it can do ugly things to you."

"I saw 'The Artist.' It's really beautiful and it's all done to the letter with all the silent film techniques. The costumes were amazing and the dog is so good."

"God forbid you be an ugly girl, 'course too pretty is also your doom, 'cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room."