"Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect - But tell me the truth."

"To me, freedom entitles you to do something, not to not do something."

"I will not play tug o' war. I'd rather play hug o' war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins."

"He has the obligation to society that any human being has. I don't think a satirist has any greater obligation to society than a bricklayer or anybody else."

"Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny."

"Let me smile with the wise, and feed with the rich."

"Humor has become so cliche and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable."

"It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead your made for life."