"Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time."

"Poverty must not be a bar to learning and learning must offer an escape from poverty."

"Our purpose in Vietnam is to prevent the success of aggression. It is not conquest, it is not empire, it is not foreign bases, it is not domination. It is, simply put, just to prevent the forceful conquest of South Vietnam by North Vietnam."

"Make no mistake. There is no such thing as a conventional nuclear weapon."

"President Bush has a record of cutting taxes, has provided a prescription drug benefit for seniors, has upheld the Second Amendment and remains committed to stopping liberal activists judges who are redefining marriage."

"What's important to have is a president that's focused on jobs, the economy, giving our children a better future and keeping our nation strong and safe."

"Secret operations are essential in war upon them the army relies to make its every move."

"I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't."