"As a comic, you try something and if it works you go with it and grind it to death."

"I've accentuated the look over the years. As a comic, you try something and if it works you go with it and grind it to death."

"If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift' they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains' they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.'"

"I have a lot of nice Italian winter clothes that make me look like a sophisticated Lebanese professor, so my friend Robert and I go around pretending to be experts in Arabic politics. It doesn't work in the summer though. I don't have the right clothes."

"People who identify themselves as conservatives donate money to charity more often than people who identify themselves as liberals. They donate more money and a higher percentage of their incomes."

"I don't think business news is just for old white men with money."

"I don't need YouTube's money. I have my own money."

"I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn't poor, I was needy. They told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy, I was deprived. Then they told me underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don't have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary."