"I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere."

"My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare."

"I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up."

"If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny."

"There is nothing that puts a man more in your debt than that he owes you nothing."

"We shape our buildings thereafter they shape us."

"Most cornmeal producers don't tell you when their cornmeal was milled, which makes it difficult to know how long the product has been sitting in the store before you bought it."

"Writing is learning to say nothing, more cleverly each day."