"But I think talent as a writer is hard-wired in, it's all there, at least the basic elements of it. You can't change it any more than you can choose whether to be right handed or left handed."

"You cannot hope to sweep someone else away by the force of your writing until it has been done to you."

"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'"

"French is the language that turns dirt into romance."

"Once you come up with a premise, you have to work out how it all happened. It's a bit like coming up with a spectacular roof design first. Before you can get it up there, you need to build a solid foundation and supporting structure."

"Our party is a diverse one, as is my home state of Illinois."

"Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying."

"If we don't build a company as influential as Google or Facebook, then we failed. I'm, like, perpetually stressed, honestly."