"Fast sex, like fast food, is cheap, but it doesn't nourish the body - or the soul."

"Fully 57 percent of American college students are women. Life insurance companies sell more policies to women than to men. As women continue to draw on experience and education, they're accelerating their numbers in upper management, too."

"American high school students trail teenagers from 14 European and Asian countries in reading, math and science. We're even trailing France."

"That's what Major League Baseball's steroid scandal was all about, the hidden harm in competitive sports that sends the wrong message to the young."

"See, I don't really go after girls. Most of the girlfriends I've had have come after me. So it's really funny when girls get offended because I don't hit on them."

"If you want good sketches, go pick up Sid Caesar. The best of Your Show of Shows. That's the greatest sketch comedy you'll ever see on television."

"Let me smile with the wise, and feed with the rich."

"I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that's OK, who wants to be normal anyway?"