"In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first."

"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."

"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."

"Anthemic rock music is inherently fascist - anything intended to move huge masses of people is politically offensive to me."

"I'm an actor, paid to act. I don't bring personal problems to the sets. Dad taught me that."

"Let me pose you a question. Can farm-raised salmon be organic when its feed has nothing to do with its natural diet, even if the feed itself is supposedly organic, and the fish themselves are packed tightly in pens, swimming in their own filth?"

"My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging."