"I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host."

"Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?"

"We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets."

"The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves."

"But I do like to have peace and quiet for a good hour."

"The only limit to human potential is the roots of true happiness grow deep in the present moment."

"When I was younger it was - you know, my dad dressed up in drag on 'Bosom Buddies.' And that was what I was having to deal with at the time. And then around the time that I was into college was when he became statue-worthy I guess you could say."

"I stopped predicting the future a long time ago."